my name is me

I wrote something for My Name Is Me, the campaign against requiring "real names" on social media, a recent requirement by both Facebook and Google+. I wrote obliquely about my experience because my silence wasn't helping to protect anyone--least of all myself. Everyone who knows me knows my pseudonymic identity, and, frankly, my stalkers had made sure that anyone who Googled me could put my "real" name with the one I had chosen to write under. I decided to make a stand against this charade that somehow "real names" protect people or keep them honest.

They don't. 

Long-time readers know that I've had issues with stalkers. My stalkers--and I know who they are--drove me to the lintel of suicide. They were pretty damn effective, actually. I'm a sensititve person, for all my bravado. But as time went on, I realized they couldn't really hurt me. When my worst fears were realized and my college students found out about my blog, nothing happened. When I got another job in academia, nothing happened. When I left that job and got another, now writing for a living, nothing happened.

I'll probably keep on writing under "chelsea g. summers." I've garnered some sliver of fame and a healthy Twitter following. People still read this blog, even when I've not posted recently. I like the way the name I gave myself looks in print, though I like the name my parents gave me looks as well. There's no reason why I have to choose, which is a luxury of being a writer in a coddled country with a strong history of freedom of speech. Dissidents in other countries don't have my priveleged position. They don't have a choice and, often, they don't have a voice. 

As I explained in my post on My Name is Me, it's not our names that define us. My stalkers chose to go by hundreds of different, equally plausible, names. None of them real, and none of them scented like roses. All of them created with the sole intent to hurt me. We are not characters from Restoration comedies, penny dreadfuls or Dickens novels. Our names don't define us, whether we choose them or accept the ones we've been given. Our actions define us, and I can hold my head up high and claim both of my identities.

 

 

Comments

[Daryl Hunt]

Thank you for writing about it. I hope the powers that be get to read and act on it. Also the issue of your stalkers made me sad. The irony is I found your blog due to the article. I really enjoy your writing.

[chelsea g. summers]

Thanks so much, Daryl. I'm so glad that you're enjoying my writing. It means a lot for you to take the time to tell me.

kissykiss,
chelsea g.

[Dangerous Lilly]

I'll be honest, I'd only ever read the occasional post of yours over my blogging time but always enjoyed what I read. I am so sorry, belatedly, to learn what these people have done to you.

For while I had a small group of stalkers writing quite mean things about me on their blog; the main perp didn't bother covering up his real name very well and I soon knew where he lived and who he was. It didn't help me any. His site hosts didn't even care about following DMCA.

As I slowly do things that could let someone who knows offline me connect to blog me, I continue to live in some fear but it's reckless fear. Until it bites me in the ass, I'm sure.

When I closed out my G+ account because they refused to let me stay with my pen name, I filled out their "Tell us why you're leaving!" form with vigor and fury and linked them to the My Name is Me site. I only hope that someone with a brain there reads it and tries to make changes.

[Pete]

CG,
I guess the old saying " sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" applies here. Good for you in continuing on when the jerks who were stalking you tried to put you down.
Pete

[S]

I've loved reading your blog over the years. Your courage, honesty, intelligence, and hard work are a huge inspiration.

Your post made me think of this, which you might like:

http://kateharding.net/2007/04/14/on-being-a-no-name-blogger-using-her-real-name/

[Honey]

I saw your post on My Name Is Me, and wanted to come by to say thanks. Thanks for speaking up, for your courage and most of all, for your writing.

I've read you for years, and continue to pop by on occasion; it's always a delight when I find something new here.

[chelsea g. summers]

Aw, thanks you all, so very much. I'm glad that I made you proud.

kissykiss,
chelsea g.

[zajal]

We've been readers for years, and we've learned a lot -- your columns are not just great writing, they are vivid "how-to" instructions about sex, passion, and love. My Name Is Me is profound. But what we are really grateful for is to finally see what you look like! Thanks for this, for your courage, and your comforting presence.

[Kiro Pora]

I am delighted that there is so brave women.Cheers

[We-Vibe]

I'm happy to post just about anything online, but am always mindful of the electronic footprint and that little snipets of info can be collected over time. If someone has nothing better to do than stalk me, they're only going to find out as much as I'm prepared to put out there. It's pleasing to see you have not let the stalkers win and that you're still blogging.