odds, no ends

Life has a way of being funny in the way that Benny Hill is funny. Which is to say that it’s less the loopy urbanity of Eddie Izzard, the ironic cultural club sandwich of 30 Rock, the loony absurdity of Monty Python, or even the generic one-size-fits-all misogynist chumminess of any Judd Apatow venture. Life is more funny in the kind of way that makes your head do the befuddled dog tilt at anyone who finds it actually amusing. And recently my life has been a tad on the rotund British dude being chased by a bunch of nubile clothing-reduced lasses, only without the dude, the lasses or the chasing.

A couple of weeks ago, I got rejected from Stanford (once) and the New York Times (twice) and threw myself a pity party to celebrate my blog’s four-year anniversary. The next day I get an email from the agent for that book of corporate erotica I walked away from last year (and I thought I wrote a post on it, but apparently it's apocryphal, the writing that is, not the thought). It looks like I’m going to do it, or it seems like I’m considering it, or at any rate I’m getting a contract for a contract for writing it next week. Which is to say that a contract for a contract is better than no contract at all.

Money is, I’ve discovered through some trials by financial fire, quite nice. Last week I wrote a post about my lamentable finances, and thanks to the several very lovely and terribly generous readers who contributed to my tip jar, I ran flush on the fees and I’m going to be able to groom my dog for the first time in a year. It’s a good thing because his fur is starting to grow algae, like a sloth. He has yet to develop a prehensile digit, but I check his paws regularly. So I thank you, Boswell thanks you, and the groomers thank you. If you were one of the lovely handful who donated, you have been part of this micro stimulus package.

But every in every happy lucre shower a little hobgoblin must fall, and mine is in the form of an unplayable Season 1 Battlestar Galactica DVD set. Apparently, I bought a Hi-Def DVD. I have a Reg-Def DVD player. If you or anyone you know wants a Hi-Def Battlestar Galactica DVD set, unwatched, you’re welcome to it. Email me. It’s free, but laved in shame. I’m sure it’ll play despite the shame.

I’m doubly disappointed about the DVD because I recently decided to relinquish my highly expensive gym membership. I neither could afford it nor could I be bothered to go. The combination of wasted money and wasted opportunity caused me to feel great megatons of guilt, which I treated by sitting on my couch, watching DVDs and eating cookies. About three weeks ago, I took stock of my waste and my waist and started to diet and work out. I’ve lost some weight, which is swell, but I’ve also regained my love of the non-sexual physical activity. Which is a shame because, see above, relinquished membership. My last day is 10 April. I am sad.

The additional byproduct of the working out and the eating right (parenthetically, there is nothing more boring than listening to people recount their diets and physical regimens. I actually feel the inside of my head coalescing like concrete when people do so) is that I have become phenomenally frisky. It’s a problem because I continue to be utterly dateless. I was asked out for drinks by a reader who kindly included the address of his blog. I read parts of the blog, and after feeling my interest noodle into the piqued range, discovered that he has been happily partnered with the only woman whom he could ever imagine spending his life with in this world or in the next and so on to eternity. Which then made me cock my head in the aforementioned confused dog manner. A friend pointed out that men are horny. I rebutted that women were too. It was a conversation ending in impasse.

Which is to say that my life of late has not been bad, just a bit on the odd. Perhaps it’s the vernal equinox. Or perhaps it’s just the ghost of Benny Hill conniving me into dropping my clothes followed by my chasing him around park benches until I look splendid in my panties. As long as he’s laughing, it is not in vain.

Comments

[Candace]

I LOVE the Benny Hill Picture!

[badinfluencegirl]

oh dude sell it on ebay, you'll get most of your money back for it...

though, to be fair, i can never be bothered to do anything on ebay so you know, do as i say and all that

[m.]

I have no advice, or comment really, except that I enjoyed this post, and am glad you are doing well.

[Liras]

I do so love BH. His reruns on TV were the only reason I was allowed to stay up past eleven on school nights.

Congrats on book contract and keeping your doggy algae-free.