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11 March 2009

Comments

badinfluencegirl

i don't feel like i ever knew how to date and now i'm somehow just getting more lost rather than less. hell half the time i don't even know if i'm on a date or hanging with a friend... and guaranteed i have to continue perfecting the stupendously awesome skill of turning men that i want to fuck into lifelong friends.

who fuck other people and ask me for advice about it.

all i mean are men under thirty and over fifty. i'm thirty seven, all i want is someone self sufficient who is not a child and is of a relatively similar life stage to my own.

i've had it with the way younger ones who just aren't ready to be adults and i've had it with ones in their fifties joking about me changing their diapers.

so i guess i less articulately feel your dating pain.

that said, i love my life and my friends and hanging out on the internet or on my couch with the vcr and the latest episode of (doll)house or the doing what i want when i want. i have finally discerned the rollicking good company that is myself and when i get tired of that there's always books.

the only need that i can't seem to satisfy involves someone to cuddle and fuck and call when i get home from work...

badinfluencegirl

sigh

all i meet
not
all i mean

zenoida

Not that being alone is a bad thing.. or even a genre, but I thought I would just share, that being totally uncompromising and well... unable to do the whole charade thing, can work out. In my last single period, I was pretty god ##### pissed at men, at all the bull shit, the whole pretend and be feminine crap. This was my attitude, and my dear friends told me I'd be alone until I would recreate myself in a softy, flirtier style... But I did meet prince charming. I've never been so happy with anyone, and the dating has never been so much fun (not that danes really date). Aggression. A great way to flirt. (damn, now I sound like one of those women, who think that finding a man equals fullfilling ones life purpose (well, maybe plus having a white wedding and producing offspring, but being single, maybe whilst dating is of course maybe the funnest ancle too. Was actually a bit pissed at meeting prince charming, since I had just prepared myself for all the fun single things I'd do)

H

We CG if I'm ever in NY, I'll not date you over coffee and enjoy your quick wit and sarcasm.

Kismet

I developed dating Asperger's at puberty. So imagine my confusion when, after 15 years of marriage, I found myself single again. 2 rather enjoyable years were spent wallowing in my own brain. But one day, I woke up and realized I truly needed someone to fuck my brains out. So I awkwardly got out there. Found people to fuck, and then I happened upon a man I wanted to fuck AND spend time with. Now I walk that line between comfort in the fact that I am loved, and regret for the relationship I had with myself. Why can't we have both?

Personally....I think you and Karl Elvis should check each other out...if only so I can live vicariously through you.

Glad you're back...I missed you.

Doomsayer

Count me in as a comrade in the confused dating section,in my(not so many)years,i seem to be absolutely horrendous in picking up signals and looking back later where i end up doing some hefty face palming.

ps,I noticed your problem with word,and the attempt to make your "pretty" as good as can be,maybe this site will help out: [url]http://www.computertim.com/howto/article.php?topic=word&idn=2[/url] (hopefully the link will work,not experienced with this blog thing).

Sabina

Dating Asperger's! Finally, a term for what I've had my whole life. Thank you.

Lance

Kudos for being fine with being alone! There's so much pressure put on people to connect and be part of a matching set, the pressure to date is almost as exhausting as dating itself.

My current take on dating is (because I reserve the right to change my mind as often as I change shoes, which is a lot) if an attractive and intelligent guy pops into my stratosphere and is miraculously interested in me...so be it. If not, I've been pleasuring myself for a long time. And nobody does it better.

James

Being - you'll have to take my word for it - an attractive, intelligent, single and dating guy, I can shed a little light on something for the benefit of your readers. CG, my guess is that you already know. We're all in the same boat.

We have dating Aspergers too. Brilliant term for it, by the way. For fellows like me and my friends and colleagues, the gut reaction to feeling interest ranges from mild discomfort to terror, with a side of excitement. I agree with the sentiment that being single is fantastic. I sleep very well, my bed feels huge, my covers aren't stolen, and my mattress topper isn't on the floor every morning. I can wake up for work early and feeling refreshed, and I can work late without feeling guilt for ignoring anyone. I am, obviously, a little bit married to my work, which might be a very important observation but not one that I'll get into right now. In blatant contradiction, I have a deep desire for a romantic connection that will throw my life into chaos. Romance is one hell of a drug - the feeling of it, the desire, the emotional satisfaction - and dammit I want some.

Suffice it to say that the good guys exist in perfectly large numbers, but they can be hard to find for (at least) two reasons. We are thoughtful and sensitive - therefore - terrified of the loss of emotional control associated with the initial pursuit of someone we find interesting. Also, we feel driven to accomplish something career-wise, which takes a serious toll on the free time that others might spend looking.

My best advice for the women commenting in this column is: If you see a fellow who intrigues you, and he doesn't seem interested, it's probably not out of incompatibility or indifference. If he's worthwhile, he's probably just busy, thoughtful, and possibly even a little bit scared of you. Screw the notion that you need to be pursued - just speak up for yourself. Admittedly based on anecdotal evidence only, it is my observation that if a man is not interested or not available, he is more likely to let you down politely and kindly than in the reversed roles. Men don't get asked out nearly so often, and it's incredibly flattering. For that matter, when a girl shows that kind of courage, it's hot hot hot.

all my best, CG. I've been reading you since college and I'm glad you're posting again.

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