on the phenomenon of the piñata penis

As a writer of a blog with, but not necessarily of, sex, I am occasionally the recipient of photos belonging to a genre that I have termed the “piñata penis.” Before I go further, let me go on the record by stating this: only on very, very rare occasions is the piñata penis something I enjoy receiving. I’m not knocking those people who open such files with a leaping joy in their heart or in other, baser, organs—in this, as in all matters of taste, de gustibus non est disputandum—but of all the flavors of phallus, the piñata penis is simply not my fave.

The piñata penis is, simply, a photo of the phallus, a shot wherein the dick is nearly castrated, mostly severed from the body, almost certainly decollated. It is, in short, a cock shot. In the cock shot, with the possible exception of the abdomen if the abdomen’s owner happens to be gym-dandy, the rest of the body recedes into the background. The object of the gaze is the male object. Everything else is merely atmosphere, and what you end up with is basically a photo of a disconnected cock, an almost disembodied cock. The ideal piñata penis would be a penis in floating like an astronaut in space.

This is, I think, a photographic phenomenon created by a man. In general, we women enjoy the totality of the body. Leaf through any big glossy aimed at selling things to women, and you’ll see the goods advertised on the full body. From rings to shoes, advertisements and editorial copy tends to show the female body in full (the only exceptions being when they’re selling things for the face like sunglasses, make-up or earrings; when they’re being “edgy” and therefore have the blanket aesthetic permission to truncate discomfortingly; or when they’re selling things for the beautification of specific body parts like plastic surgery or depilation). Male magazines seem less concerned with the body being presented whole and entire.

Men too like to fixate on specific body parts. Men gleefully, both ironically and earnestly, refer to themselves as “thigh men,” “ass men,” or “breast men.” I’ve never known a single woman to announce herself as a “pec woman,” “calf woman,” or “cock woman.” Most heterosexual (as well as bi and lesbian) women I know do have favorite body parts, but we rarely define ourselves by the part that we like best on our paramours. We generally see the body of the other as a connected unit, even if we love to dissect and hate or love our own sundry parts.

Not so with the dudes. I’m sure I could do all kinds of research and drum up a sweet fleet of psycho-evolutionary reasons why this compartmentalization of bodies appears to be a male kind of thing, but I’m not in the mood and my connection is being finicky and so I’m not going to. I’m simply going to stick my chin out defiantly, assert this idea as a fact and hope for the best.

Whatever the explanation, I do from time to time get the email attachment with the piñata penis (I’ve only every once gotten a piñata pussy, as point of comparison). I can certainly understand why dudes want to remain anonymous when they’re sending me the cock shot. There’s a balls-to-the-wall bravado attached to attaching any photo and sending it to a stranger, and while we might take a moment and savor the irony that sending a picture of the privates is somehow less revealing than sending one of a face, the simple fact is that unless it’s a really raucous party and really unusual genitalia, I’m unlikely to recognize a stranger by his Johnson. There’s a comfort in that impossibility, I imagine.

But that’s not all there is, for to send a piñata penis pic is to first take said p.p.p. and that action broadcasts a pride that even when I am unhappily surprised I must grudgingly admire. It’s quite something to assume that a stranger, especially a stranger as acerbic as I, would want to see said photo of disembodied phallus. Or it could simply be that the person attached to the picture of the disembodied phallus gets the down-low tingle by showing said picture. Some folks are exhibitionists, or so I’ve heard. One could make the argument that sending the unwanted cock shot is an act of power, or hostility, or whatever. Regardless my reluctant nod to the penis owner’s pride, I usually feel uncomfortable when I am surprised by a cock shot.

My general, ambient dislike of the piñata penis isn’t confined to emails. I also dislike it on blogs. I’ve clicked the little red button on the upper right corner of my Firefox more than once when ambushed by the naked, tumescent, disembodied cock. I just don’t need the visuals or the extreme digital intimacy. I’m good with my imagined dick, thanks.

That said, when I do find the piñata penis that pleases, I admit that it’s a thing of beauty indeed. There are some bloggers who were they to cease and desist the publishing of all photos phallic and otherwise would make me sad indeed. And while I’ve generally uttered a guttural and heartfelt Ew! when upon opening an email that bushwhacks me with free-floating dick, there have the ones, very few and far between, that I do find compelling, that I have saved to an obscure file on my desktop, that I have gazed at and wondered about, and that I have made dance sugar-plum-like in my mind whilst dallying my own downy down-under.

The thing is this: these piñata penises have been saved from my whack-a-mole gut reaction not because of their extreme Helmut Newton photogenic prowess; rather, they’ve been saved by their cushiony prose. I’m much more likely to give an unknown dick a second, third, or fourth look when it’s introduced to me in golden waves of pretty syntax. If there’s no sign of an interesting head attached somewhere northward, there’s just no interest in the head, nor the shaft, nor the balls, either. Without some semblance of smarts wrapping around the picture like the white cotton around a jewel, it’s just an unwanted photo whose sender has intruded upon my most personal of spaces without invite.

It’s just rude, really.

And yet. With the good words working goodly, the piñata grows into something bigger than itself. It transcends its discarnate mortal coil and becomes a thing of beauty. Weird, that.

Comments

[Mrs. Hall]

This focus on genitals, as a function of the male brain, is a large reason why I find porn distasteful. There is so much emphasis on the genital shots. Copious amount of screen acrage taken up by the the cock in vagina and flapping balls.

Really, genitals as a whole, are not all that attractive. Well, breasts are nice. But genitals are not attractive. It doesn't really matter though. They last thing they should be used for is a point of aesthetics.

I hope to never receive a penis penita. Show me a good shoulder, belly or well placed hand anyday.

:)

Mrs. Hall

[Jake]

I am entirely guilty of piñata penis proliferation but wouldn't have it any other way. I understand why whole body pictures would be so much more satisfying, but allowing that sort of photo anywhere near the internet really isn't clever...

[selkie]

I call them 'stand-alone" penises and find them amusing but boring!

[J.J.]

I think there's definitely a sense of braggadoccio when a guy snaps a shot of his cock and sends it off via email. As if the recipient simply won't be able to resist her- or himself when presented by the throbbing godliness of the presented swollen love-gland. Personally, I don't get it either -- without some kind of background, it's really the epitome of an internet flasher. And last I looked, it's the kind of thing that can get you jailed if you're overcoating it on the subway platform. And with the anonymity provided by the cropping of the cognizant features, it's a bit more wimpy, isn't it? A false braggadoccio, if you will.

[tinseltown tease]

this is hilarious:

"I’m much more likely to give an unknown dick a second, third, or fourth look when it’s introduced to me in golden waves of pretty syntax."

the assumption that a disembodied cock is interesting on it's own really is ballsy (hahaha, couldn't resist)

[Mrs. Hall]

So true, J.J., so true.

I wonder at the sender's intent in circulating the penis sans bodily attachment.

So sad the most common reactions are rolling of the eyes or even worse, pity for the penis and the person it really is attached to.

[Sabina]

To me, the problem is that all too often, pinata penis pics appear completely unsolicited-- it's almost an ambush. When you receive these, you should post them on unfortunatecocks.blogspot.com.