blow jobs are (nearly) front-page news

Here you go, a screenshot of my most recent Penthouse output. It's the article that I mused/fretted about here, as I was writing it during a sex drought. I really, really like the graphics for this piece--the other accompanying illustration is a close-up of a face of classic blow-up doll, mouth agape in wonder and readiness, and you have to respect the classics.

Although I like looking at the pictures, I almost never read my own edited writing because it makes me want to jab those little plastic knives they stick cocktail onions on in airport bars into my solar plexus. This is no exception, and while I only read the first couple of lines, I want to put on record that the joke with which I opened the piece is not my favorite joke. My favorite joke goes like this: So a Buddhist goes to a hot-dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

My second favorite joke goes like this: What do you call a dyslexic insomniac agnostic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Click--not lick--to embiggen the image. And if you buy the article, out on newsstands right now in the March issue of Penthouse, send me an email to tell me how you like it.

Comments

[Karl Elvis]

That image - the whole page - looks just fabulous. And I want to meet that sword-swallowing model.

My father - who was dyslexic, and a philosopher - hated jokes like "Do dyslexic philosophers stay up at night wondering if there really is a Dog". He hated them because he never got them.

I on the other hand, love those jokes.

[Karl Friedrich Gauss]

Like your jokes. I use the dog one a lot myself. So how was the book deal meeting?

[Selena Kitt]

<--waiting to hear about book deal meeting, too.

Congrats on the article.

My fav joke?

Two eggs in a pot of boiling water, one says to the other, "Wow, it's hot in here!" The other replies, "Oh my god! A talking egg!"

;)

[minstrel boy]

my favorite musician's joke

but, seriously, the best part of this, along with reading your wonderful article, was telling the schlep behind the counter that "I'm buying this for an article."

that was rich.

[minstrel boy]

and, if i may be forgiven some blogwhoring:

The Eagle Dance

[Dave]

The best joke anthology I've ever seen is Garrison Keillor's "Pretty Good Joke Book" :-)

I love this blog, as always. Your writing is, as always, brilliant.

Dave