done

Tonight, on the phone, I told Donny I was finished.

We were supposed to have brunch today, Sunday, and I realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't sit at a table across from him as if everything were fine, when it was not. I called him up and told him so. I told him too that I wanted a commitment, or I was finished. I asked him if he had any intention of committing to me. He told me that he was having a hard time, that he didn't know what was wrong with him, that he was thinking of me all the time, but that he couldn't say more than that. His voice broke.

I almost felt badly for him.

But it really came down to this: I asked him if he'd ordered the engagement ring, the one we picked out last August.

"No," he said.

That pretty much tells me everything I need to know, I said. 

And then, after only a few more incidental words, I snapped my phone shut.

Comments

[marx marvelous]

You've done what you can. Still, consolation? Who knows . . .

Stay way from the Smiths. And ALL Motown.

Fond thoughts.

[rascalgrrl]

Sending you fond thoughts and applause for your strength and conviction in standing in your truth. The symbolic ring and the actuality thereof are all the evidence you need. Your wholeness is intact, though perhaps bruised by his clumsy attempts to shred your confidence. Be gentle with yourself through the transition and know that the work you've done and continue to do will serve you well.
Blessings.

[six]

CG,

I went to bed after reading about your mindful treading in the traveler's waypoint of uncertainty, and awoke to find that you are no longer standing with your bags in hand between one place and another. One way or another, I'm at least glad that a decision was made; no more limbo, no more uncertainty, no more teetering between the margins.

And while the slow and gradual process of healing begins, I wish you well. I wish you the strength to reflect (now that there is firmly a present and a past), respond (to the half-conversations we all have with ourselves), and respect (yourself, for that sometimes feels like the hardest thing to do). I wish you time to heal, time to reflect, and time to move on. And of course, I wish you the best.

.6

[Sailor]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, but now you know.

Hugs

[badinfluencegirl]

oh number six your words and your wishes are wise.

miss chelsea all i could ever add to that is the wish that you get what you need from the other loved beings in your life while you heal. and heal you will.

but you knew that :)

[flavia]

Warm, comforting and supportive thoughts from a longtime lurker.

[Samantha]

[sigh]

I can't say anything better than six said above, so I'll leave well enough alone and add my own warm wishes and happy thoughts. I hope that you find what you're looking for soon enough.

[Witchy]

Hi Chelsea... I'm sorry things went like that. It's hard to believe it's for the best when you're in the middle of an emotional storm. Sending my wishes as well, that you find strength and solace inside yourself. You're worth what you're looking for. Blessings.

Witchy

[Viviane]

I'm thinking of you, dear friend.

[Selena Kitt]

doors everywhere are opening...

and safety is the only illusion.

You can fly, girl.

[Karl Elvis MacRae]

*hug*

That's all I got.

I'm really, really sorry. But still glad that you stuck up for yourself and recognized what wasn't right for you. Best of luck with the recuperation. I'm sorry.

[Pete]

CG,
Time to move on and cut your losses. I hope you find a partner that you deserve.
Pete

[Greg]

You did the right thing. One day in the future you'll look back at this and say, "That was the right thing to do." Good luck.

[DML]

And here you were thinking you'd given that person advice you couldn't take yourself. Yet you were right. If you can't deal with the person before you, right then, right there, as they are, there is absolutely no gain in standing around in the half-light of waiting.

[Curvaceous Dee]

Never an easy decision. *hugs* and kudos to you for making it.

xx Dee

[Boldn'Brazen]

Wish I knew what to say...

Wish I had your gift with words.

Bn'B

Forget the sad music and blast Tanya Tucker:

"If it don't come easy, you better let it go,
'Cause when it don't come easy, there's no natural flow...
Don't make it hard on your heart,
You might be better off alone,
If it don't come easy, you better let it go."

You did the right thing.

[chris kraft]

Soup. I'm serious.

I really feel for you.

Hang in there.

Chris Kraft

[galf]

Bring on SlutFest 2008?

I'm expected to apologise for my bluntness, I suppose; nonetheless, the essence of drama is pain and conflict. As a voyeur of your life, I cheer for your misfortune...

[Caliban]

Why is it that the most singular human beings--and I count you among them--seem to find the ONE person in known universe who doesn't appreciate that they've lucked into the find of all time? It's maddening really. Do people become so narcissistic that they don't recognize the person standing in front of them is da bomb?

I speak generally, but my sympathies are with you on a personal level (insomuch as my reading your blog qualifies me as knowing you "personal"-ly). I really appreciated your recent blog about feeling like an adult. There's something in growth that is more important than the fantasy of 'happily ever after.'

Sigh. Be well. Pamper yourself.

[queenofmyOwn]

I have read your blog for what seems like years and after all this time and after reading what I just read... all I can say is I wish you the best. Your writing has helped me more than you could possibly know... Thankyou. Best wishes for you, because it is never too late to find love, from whichever source.

[VJ]

"And now I know my love was not for you
And so I'll take it back with a sigh,
Perfidious one, good-bye".

Last lines of
PERFIDIA (TONIGHT)
Jimmy Dorsey

Cheers & Brighter moments to you, 'VJ'

[sparkles anon]

I am glad, for your sake, that the decision has been made. this post reminded me so much of a past relationship, and God, as hard as it was to get to the point of making a decicsion, once it was made, I felt freer and lighter. I hope you feel the same way.

Best,
lucy

[sparkles anon]

Gah -- need frigging spellcheck when I haven't had third cup of coffee yet. "Decision," not whateverthehell it was I wrote the first time.

[saratoga]

CG-

I am one of those who believe what does happen, should happen. And that things, uncontrollable things, happen for the best.

*hugs*

-saratoga

[sheistolerable]

Delurking to offer support and hugs. You are brave.

[LoneRhino]

Don't your commentors make you kind of sick. what a schmaltz bath. I, as if my opinon matters think you are far to edgy and pure for that new age bullshit Oh let the healing begin) shit what a load of bollacks.

I once had a girlfriend with whom I found myself shopping for an engagement ring. I remember asking myself and then her 'When did I propose? I don't remeber proposing." She said 'Well I have married you already." SIGNAL SIGNAL I was never going to have a place or standing with a women who so easily co-opted my portion of the dialouge. We went on, I tried to love her enough but... it ended badly. At least she then married my best friend to confirm my gut was in the right place. Did he actually ever propose? She proceeded to justify herself and to blank out any of her role in any of it I was just a non-commiting asshat. She was wrong on that one.

[aag]

You know I'm thinking of you. You will make it. I have every confidence in you.

Hugs.

[Marcelle Manhattan]

Isn't it amazing how the right decisions can still hurt so much? But only for a while; the wrong ones can hurt us forever.

I am really proud of you. You deserve that pony. You deserve what you want.

And I mean that, god damn it! :)

Marcelle

[Edgy Mama]

Thinking of you. Big kiss.

[Goose]

I'm thinking of you. Strongly.

[Em]

I'm glad you've found some sort of closure, dear. Stay strong.

I also recommend chocolate and happy music.

[badlittlegoodgirl]

I have to confess, I haven't commented on ny of your posts thus far, but i have been following your troubles with Donny for a little while now. Like the others, I'm glad you have closure, and would recommend any number of things to help get you mind off of it.

Two things I've found help the most: crying about it with your best girlfriends and agonizing over every last detail until you're tired of saying it and they're tired of hearing it (hey, it makes you feel better, and don't feel bad about your friends; they'll get you back some day). Also, as bad as it sounds, the thing that helps me the most is getting dressed up and going out and flirting with other people, even if just innocently. It's good to feek that confirmation of your desireability when you're feeling your most insecure and vulnerable.

Just want you to know I'm hoping for the best for you, and know you'll get through the tough times.

[KingBob]

I don't think congratulations for being such a strong woman are in order. Seems to me that you two invested a LOT in each other. I don't know what's going through his head but the 4-letter word "FEAR" is in there somewhere. Seems to me that you should cut him some more slack by giving him more time. You love him; he loves you; you deserve him; he deserves you. Whether you all can get back together as a couple should remain to be seen. Why are you giving up so easliy? You loved him enough to want to marry him forever. You should fight for what you want. That's a strong woman.

[Holly Waters (DFP)]

Good for you. You deserve someone that can't live without you, loves you madly.

My next best advice: cry. Let it all out. Of course you have to hold it in sometimes. But once you are at home and alone, let yourself go. It is very healing.