i know!!! It’s totally been like so totally from then to eternity since i’ve written. i should be like so completely spanked ;)!!!
so. ok. secrets time!!! i have to admit that i always thought those girls were like totally lying bee-yotches when they go all like, OHhhhh!!! i came and then i came and then i came again and oops! i came once more and then they are like, you know, totally cummming and cummmming like 17 times or something and always on like bar stools or couches or their boyfriend’s truck’s gear knob or something.
like i always thought they were so totally full of shit, pardonez ma French, you know? i just totally thought like either the dizzy-jizzy-ditz doesn’t know what a Capital-O feels like or like she had to be all fronting like “i’m so totally the complete sex goddess because i can cummmm like 42 times in a row!!! Hah! Hah! Hah! i’m like totally all Angelina Jolie and shit (without the creepy billybob tattoo)!!!”
you know? like they have to be all like more Jenna Than Thou by like totally pretending that every little clitflicker is like totally a full-on orgasm. Like, oh! i dropped my Bonny Bell Peppermint LipSmacker and came. And oops!! Oh my!! there goes my celly beeping and me cummmmming! & while my nail technician was gluing on my Swarovski crystals on my toenails i came at least eleventy-seven times!!!! And they’re all, like totally, for realsies, girl!!
i hate that, u know?
so today was like totally the first day that i was feeling well after getting sick with MonO, the kissing disease. (Hah! Hah! Hah! kissing my sweet V-Stringed ass!!!) and so i went up to Donny’s house and was all like, so let’s so totally fuck and everything. & so when he went into the bathroom to wash up or take out his contacts or squirt binaca into his mouth or whatever it is he does in the bathroom i quick like a playboy bunny took off my orange hoodie and my “Worship Your Local Devil Dolls” t-shirt and my bra and my jeans and was all there waiting for him in nothing but my pink with tiny black polka-dot panties and my striped knee-high socks from Brooklyn Industries.
& then Donny came into the bedroom and totally pounced on me like he was a dog and i was a big juicy bone and started kissing me. OH MY GODDDDDDDD!!!!!! his lips felt so gooood! i totally got all squelchywett like right away just from kissing him. i knew it would feel good but like so totally ohhhhhmmmyyygoddddyyummmmyyyy….!!!!
anyways. so we were kissing and stuff and i was totally cupping Donny’s cock through his clown jeans (i call them that because they’re all baggy and not sexy like those Levi’s i picked out for him) and then he started licking my pussy through my panties and patting it with his open palm and it was so great i totally thought i was going to cummmmmm just from that.
but i didn’t.
instead i played with myself when Donny went and washed the njoy toy like he told me to, all touching my clit and my g-spot which was totally felt like eating that weird Caribbean tres leches sponge cake only in g-spot form. It felt that superhottfantasstic!!!! Then when Donny got on the floor & started licking me and pushing the big head of the njoy toy against me, i couldn’t hold back anymore & i came so hard my body like totally levitated off the bed and my left thigh totally cramped up.
so then Donny like totally fucked me really hard. & he was all like, so can i still come in side you? because it was totally my period last week & so i was like, yes, and he was all like, so can i come now?
& then i was like, can i ride you first and, like, maybe come again?
& so he was like, Sure! and flipped over.
so i started riding him, and like Missy Eliot was like playing on iTunes in the background, the one that starts with “Who’s That Bitch!” and i had one finger on my clit and Donny’s greatttthaarrrrrd cOck like totally buried inside me and then all of a sudden it started happening!!!
like, Pop! and then Pop! and Pop! Pop! and there it was, like me all like multi-orgasmic!!! i felt like i was this surfer chick like maybe Michelle Rodriguez in Blue Crush or something and it felt so greattthottt superfantasmic & like i was surfing all pop-pop-pop riding this wave of one capital-O to the next. It was such a rush.
i didn’t come eleventy-seven times, but i did come about six in a row like pop! pop! pop! & then pop! pop! pop! pop-pop! i know!!!! i so totally couldn’t believe it either!!! it was like crazy!
afterwards, Donny fucked me and came inside me and it was really great hotttt.