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24 January 2007



I love how you mentioned that writing has changed the way you have sex. That's an incredibly honest thing to say, to admit to, because as much as sex writing, I believe, isn't all about escapism, it tends to exist in a world in which sex is the most important thing, or at least the most intense and feeling thing, that it exists in its own domain. But truthfully, it doesn't -- it's in a dialogue with many other aspects of life, and I love that you recognize that.

As you say, the psychic component of sex is inseparable from the physical, but it's also fundamentally inseparable from sex writing -- at least, sex writing that is genuinely erotic. You can't read about a sexual experience and feel arousal if you don't believe that the arousal was also revealed to the fuckers themselves, so to speak. If I read a story about sex and feel that it's entirely directed at getting me off -- that the writer is in fact calculating my levels of arousal without actually having felt those feelings themselves -- then the whole enterprise feels hollow and useless. Your blog is far from that.


Ditto for FemDom activities. Knowing they may well be written about makes for some weird experiences as a male submissive being played with. Precisely the sort of double consciousness of which you write.

And, like you, I find it very rewarding for my relationship, and the growth in my observations and insights about the D/s lifestyle I share with my Mistress.

Yes, I can definitely relate, and I don't think I write a sex blog.


Dee's Joe

I've been writing my sex blog for over a year and never put this much introspective thought into why. It's become as much a part of me as the sex about which I write. I enjoyed this essay. In part it makes me proud to be a sex blogger - for keeping at it even when I'm not quite certain that I should.


Wow.. beautifully said.


Thanks for this. XXOO



Well done. And keep writing CG!


We appreciate it all CG. The ljnk should take you to another kink, but this with commentary on open air etc.


Found via Elle & Sex & the Ivy, who's having a bit of trouble with trolls. That via Viv212

Cheers, 'VJ'

sweat shop sissy

i think i should put a new (very short) section on my blogroll for 'blogger hero's'


Cyberyokel that I am, I've only just recently come upon your work here. I can't believe how consistently good you are.


CG for President... or at least Secretary of State... You are so grandly intelligent and insightful, with eloquence to boot...

Discovering your writing (thanks, Sue B!) spurred the Ms. and I to create our own little unpublicized parallel webspace last year, and while the entries have "dribbled," I/we have arrived at the conclusion that it has been a valuable part of our continuing relationship. At a minimum, it allows us the freedom to express those innermost thoughts and opinions that might not otherwise be communicated between us, and thus, we know even more of what the other is thinking to our mutual benefit. You might be having a similar unanticiated effect on you and Donny...

We have also gotten occasional appreciative comments from our sexually-related friends/readers telling us how our writing (and yours) has inspired their adventures and personal time together, without the advent of trolls. So we consider ourselves lucky, all around.

So wherever PDT goes (or cums), we and our friends thank you, applaud you, and support you vicariously.


I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been fucking my lover and simultaneously narrating in my head our sex.

I don't know that you're just talking about sex blogs there (well, other than the word sex in that sentence).

I think you're talking about blogging in general.

Almost every day I do something with the thought that it'll make a great blog entry, and often in the middle of some experience - like scuba diving - I'll think I wish I had a picture of this I could post on my blog

When one's life fuels one's art, the two begin to blur together.


Its hard to keep up with things. Even normal blogs seem to spike for a few months, then drift off. I know that in my in-character journal, I hit the wall at the year point, still trying to get over that one. But, I have to say your wit and skills would bring me back even if you never wrote another word about sex. :)

But, your fucking honesty about fucking is one of those things that keeps dragging me back.


I was worried where this post was headed, but I'm very proud of you. You're the best.

chelsea girl

I'm glad to hear that I struck a chord in so many of you, but I suspect that this feeling of blurred life and art (like an aesthetic real life smoothie, now with spirulina!) is endemic to any writing--and perhaps any art, though I don't feel qualified to speak to all the lively, much less the deadly, arts. You write/you live/you write.

Thanks everyone.

chelsea girl

Edgy Mama

Beatifully writ.

Those of us who have stuck with the bloggin for two years or longer have become the doyennes of this exploding virtual world. I'm not quite sure how I feel about now being a middle-aged blogger!

But I think we should keep writing!


Are you a Virgo?

chelsea girl


Not the last time I checked. Thanks for inquiring.

chelsea girl


"I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been fucking my lover and simultaneously narrating in my head our sex. It’s a weird fucking sensation, this double consciousness of doing and narrating, and it gets in the way of really enjoying the fucking."

you know i started my sex blog last september because i have a history of losing my sex drive in long term relationships AND i just wasn't getting any and the sex blogs i had recently started reading had really helped me to find some of my lost drive.

and i learned that writing sex and my fantasies turns me on, exposes my hidden secrets and judgemental feelings and really gets me examining the whys of my heretofore unexplored sexuality.

and that was great and now i'm sort of going 'um i've written a huge number of my fantasies down now and i want to talk about their effect on me instead of the sex itself' but at the same time i've developed a readership who likes my smut.

not to mention that i've taken a lover and now find myself doing exactly that. when i masturbate or fantasize or fuck i'm narrating it at the same time...

the nice thing for me is that i have a two year old 'regular' blog so i know that change and a slowing down is natural and that if you just surf the way you really feel about your blog and post when you can? it stays.

the harder part is to stay honest once you know your mother reads your blog. (regular, not smut... but it's an apt comparison nonetheless)

at the end of the day though you're entirely right. it's worth it for sure.


This was well and truly said CG. I've learned a tremendous amount since I started writing over a year ago and I agree, however (and you did touch on this in a comment above) I can tell you that this duality is not limited to the "sex blog". In fact this split occurs in all truly creative outpourings, if you really feel it, you really are it and it becomes you. In my opinion that is why so few of these adult blogs last beyond six months, because they serve purpose and not art. The desire to write comes from many sources and all of them are valid, but only the desire to create long-burns the candle. And that is no slight to anyone, we all have our reasons, our desires and our passions. But I feel it often and lately have taken to writing about other things in my life, my thoughts, and experiences, to take a brief break from the sexual, if only to clear the mind.

keep on truckin beautiful.

Ms Naughty

Great piece Chelsea.
If only I could have quoted this for my feature article! I recently found myself musing about why I *don't* blog about my sex life and your post has reinforced my thoughts. Sex blogging is a brave business and I admire anyone who can pull it off... so to speak.

Dirty Debbie

I enjoyed reading your insights. I agree with everything you said. You've helped me look into my sex blog, the issues, and my readers.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Thanks again...

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