help?

It’s terribly tedious, I know. It’s like the way that PBS interrupts its compelling documentary about dolphins, narrated by the surprisingly unannoying Robin Williams, and just as you’re about to find out about the sex lives of our favorite sea mammals (which, parenthetically, is joyous, prolific and angst-free; dolphins are the models for the zipless fuck), you get assaulted with a plea for money.

Here is mine.

My financial life treads on the edge of an abyss. Lately, through a tremendous amount of simply dogged work, I’ve managed to somehow make up the consistent $500 gap between what I make as an adjunct and what I need to live. You regular readers of my pretty dumb things—and it is you to whom I’m primarily making this plea—know that I’m a Ph.D. candidate in literature. We Ph.D. candidates don’t make much as teachers.

It’s a crumby hand-to-mouth existence.

I have been busily padding up some kind of financial cushion through editing and writing, teaching the occasional strip class, and advertising here on my pretty dumb things. I was feeling fairly sanguine about the upcoming months. And then, within the last couple of days, I pretty much lost my little growing nest.

In part, I lost it due to financial fuckwittery. I didn’t pay attention to my balance, and when my rent, gym fees, online access and a couple of other sundry debits were debited from my bank account, they did so before an out-of-state check had been entirely cleared by my bank (who sucks unwashed burro crack, and not in a good way). The result was $128 in overdraft fees.

But mostly, I lost my nesty due to having to pay for drugs. Not recreational drugs, but medicinal. Flonase and some kind of hyped-up Henry Rollins Amoxycillan, actually. Because, you see, while I do have health insurance, it’s crap health insurance. It doesn’t cover drugs. And so yesterday, I had to spend an out-of-pocket $213  on medicine to help me get better (I also spent $65 on a doctor’s visit because in my sinus-infected weakened condition, it seemed a bonny choice to go to the walk-in doctor’s by my house rather than trek on the subway up to my school).

“No insurance?” the pharmacist asked, his eyes widening. When he told me the total, mine did too.

So here’s where you come in. Every day, I get about 500 returning visitors. I’m asking you, if you like what I write here, if you’ve ever laughed, or smiled, or grown wet or turgid at my pretty dumb things, if you’ve felt touched by what I’ve written, please, just give me $2.00. There’s a tip jar key on the right margin. Please use it. You can be anonymous—you can put in “George Clooney” or “The Prince of Darfur.” You can be “Jessica Simpson” or “Jessica Tandy” or “Jessica Rabbit.” You can even be you.

I won’t see your financial information. But I will see a note, should you leave one, and an email, should you choose to leave that, but you don’t have to leave either. If you do, though, I’ll write and thank you.

Two bucks is less than a grande cup of Starbucks. But if just half of you lovely regular-reading people donate that amount to me, I’ll be in a much better financial space.

Thank you, and now back to the dolphins.

kissykiss,
chelsea girl

____________________________

UPDATE: Thank you Anonymous 1 &2, Tammy, BMJ, Braider, I.M.Butch and Paul for coming to my emotional and financial rescue. I am deeply appreciative.

Comments

[O]

I'll see what I can do, babycakes. Those dolphins are so damned pretty....

xxx
O

[S.P.]

...worth far more than public television...

...but where's the PDT coffee mug or totebag???

(Poorly placed humor, your writing is incentive enough)

Hang in there, kid, this too shall pass... Doing what I can, as I'm sure others are...

[Anne Elizabeth]

Okay, Chelsea Girl ! $20 is on its way to you !
Hope everyone gathers round and the crisis is solved ! Everyone has finance disasters happen at least once in their lives -- and that's what friends are for, right ? to help when it matters !
Sincerely,
Anne Elizabeth of Make My Cop Come

[Owen]

As you are the best writer I know or hope to know, I'd love to help, but alas no Paypal. Is there an alternative method?

[Karl Elvis]

You know I'll damn well buy a t-shirt too.

Good luck, sweet CG.

[Palolo lolo]

Donation sent from Hawaii :)

[Viviane]

Perhaps we can also all take a moment to visit some of those who are listed under 'Not Selling Out - Buying In.' I met the authors of The Essence of Tantric Sexuality and they are terrific. And who can resist a picture of the beauteous RKB in a thong?

[chelsea girl]

Anne Elizabeth and Paulo, yes! Thank you! I have sent you both thank-you notes, which I've sent to each of my contributers, unless they either didn't leave an e-addy or left one that didn't work.

Viviane, indeed. I'd love it if my advertisers made mad hot pleasure doing business with me.

And S.P., I'm working on it.

Thank you all.

Kissykiss,
chelsea girl

[Paul]

I've put 10 dollars your way. It's not much I know, but its all this struggling writer can afford. I don't infact do this often, in fact apart from the red cross this is the first time I have ever done this sort of donation. But your writing touches me on a certian level, it is something I am drawn to, and something that I gain from.

10 dollars will never say thanks, I just hope it helps you out.

P

[Lanforce]

To be honest - I have no earthly idea how I got here (this site). I must have searched some esoteric phrase that happened to click. Who knows ?

That being said, I'm glad I did - there's a TuckerMaxish element to this blog that draws the reader in and you find yourself clicking story after story after story. Your writing style is both pithy and revealing, quite a trick when relating both highs and lows of personal existence. I too remember the "starving student" days of grad school - so I've sent a little something to help out.