bobbing for semen

The paper frills on the ends of the lamb chops aren’t necessary, but they’re nice. The umbrella in your adult beverage doesn’t make it taste any better, but it’s festive. The balconette push-up bra doesn’t really give you perkier breasts, but it’s alluring. None of these things—not the paper frills, the wee umbrella, the naughty lingerie—actually makes the decorated item any better, but they seem as if they do. The lamb chop seems more succulent; the frozen piña colada appears more decadent; the breasts look as if they’re ripe for the plucking.

In the spirit of sexy similitude, let me present you with a few things you can do that will put the icing on the cake, the gild on the lily, the pastie on the nipple, if you will, of your blow job.

A blow job in and of itself is, from what I hear, a very good thing. Not having a cock myself—except for a very large, perpetually tumescent, and ponderous metaphorical cock—I wouldn’t know first hand. But from all accounts, the blow job seems to really rather pleasant. Certainly, the sheer number of people who find my pretty dumb things by searching phrases like “deepthroat,” “cock-sucking” and “deepthroat cumslut gag cocksuck” suggests the popularity of the search terms, if not the act itself.

I have in previous posts detailed how to deepthroat, described my experience of being a deepthroating chick, and sung paeans to the joys of giving my boyfriend head (to several readers’ apparent boredom). In this one, I’m going to risk my readers becoming oscitant and share with you a few trivial things I’ve discovered in my almost three decades of sucking dick.

Eyes on the Prize: One thing a dude likes is if you look as if you’re enjoying sucking his dick. One way you can perform your enjoyment is to make eye contact. Especially at the beginning of the blow job, before you’re getting all hot and heavy and the guy’s eyes are lolling back in his head in full-on pleasure mode, get yourself in a position to look at him over the head of his cock as it rubs against your lips, as your tongue twirls around its head, as it slowly enters your mouth. It’s not something you can—or want—to spend your entire blow job doing, but it’s a great beginning, or a fine punctuation in the middle, especially if you want to slow things down while simultaneously heating things up.

Say It With Me, “Prune”: When Marilyn Monroe wanted to make the perfect kissy mouth for photos, she said, “prune,” as legend as it. Your turn to be a siren. Say “prune” and see what your lips do. Now put a nice tumescent cock in front of your mouth and say it over and over, each time more lasciviously. Let your tongue escape like a naughty little wet monkey and flick at the rim of your man’s cock head. Imagine you’re French, and say it again.

You can also wrap the head of the cock in your lips and make tiny, fluttering sucking motions with your mouth as you slowly pop the cock out of your mouth to say “Prune” again. “Dried Plum” just doesn’t have the same erotic resonance.

Ring Around the Rosy: Take one or two fingers and wrap them around the cock shaft near the very base of the cock. Apply what in your feminine mind you probably think is too much pressure. Note how as you grasp tighter the head of the cock grows bulbous and shiny. This embiggening happens because your fingers are acting not unlike a cock ring and are pinching off the blood flow to and from the penis. (I like to keep one little finger curved out like I’m drinking tea, but that’s because I’m “pretentious” and “ironic,” even in bed.)

In doing this little Vulcan grip, you are increasing the sensitivity of your man’s cock. It’s fun to do in conjunction with the “Prune” and or the eye contact. It’s also pleasant to grip and release as you tease the head of the dick in front of you with your mouth. Finally, this move, like the eye contact, is kind of the coffee achiever of blowjobs—it also picks things up while it calms things down.

Try variations of the grip when your man is nearing orgasm, or try moving your fingers up to just under the head of his cock when you’re just beginning to blow him. This move, though simple, is incredibly effective because it helps nature along. Moreover, men like it because it makes their cock look really engorged and bestial. It’s a great move if you like to talk dirty in bed because it gives you something to talk about.

Remember, different men like differing amounts of pressure, so it’s perfectly acceptable etiquette to ask should you be unable to read his somatic reaction.

Bobbing for Semen: I don’t know why it took me so long to realize this, but at some point in my twenties, I discovered it was entirely appropriate to use both my hand and my mouth together whilst sucking my man’s cock. Because I can deepthroat, and because I’ve always been able to deepthroat, it never occurred to me that using my hand wasn’t cheating. When I finally let the thought dawn in my sometimes dim conscience, I realized that it wasn’t cheating; it was just a good time.

Placing the cock as far back in your throat as it can just uncomfortably go will help you gag, and gagging will produce that lovely, highly viscous porn-starry spit that makes an incredible lube. I like to make that spit and then utilize it for the oral-topped hand job. And once I’ve made the spit, I find that it’s very easy to move my hand from my delicate hold around the base of my man’s cock to stroking up and down his shaft in time with my head.

Sometimes I use my mouth and hand in concert, smooshing my hand down my man’s cock with my mouth chasing after. Other times, I’ll use a very open grip with a quick, light stroke just in the center of his cock while I tongue and suck the head of his cock. Still other times, I’ll meet my hand and mouth in the center of his cock and pull out with my hand toward the base and toward the tip with my mouth. Sometimes too, I’ll use one hand to grip the base of his cock, sometimes wrapping a finger down and under his balls, while I use the other hand on the center of his shaft and busy my mouth on the tip. It’s all good, coordinated, opposable-thumbed fun.

Nibble Nibble (and a Little Dribble): Your teeth are your friends. While you do want to shield your man’s cock from your teeth when you’re bobbing for semen, you can use your teeth to tease him, especially when he’s very hard. I like to take the whole head of the cock in my mouth and gently scrape my lower teeth against his glans just under the rim of the head of his cock, if I’m facing toward his head, or scrape my upper teeth, if I’m facing his toes. You can also perch your teeth and your lips on the tip of his cock and slowly open, engulfing his cock in your mouth so that he feels the fulsome cushion of your lips, followed by the gentle hard tease of your teeth, and finishing with the wet lusciousness of your tongue.

Some men really like a lot of teeth—they enjoy the rasping feeling. Others just get freaked out by the reminder that there are teeth  there, possibly poised to do them damage. Most, though, will enjoy the concert of textures that your lips, your tongue and your teeth provide. Play around gently and see what happens.

T-Bagging, It’s Not Just for Brits: Don’t be afraid of the wrinklies. The wrinklies like the oral loving too. As much I can’t imagine what it feels like to get a blow job, I truly cannot fathom what it feels like to have one’s testes sucked, but I hear it’s really rather lovely. You can suck one ball at a time, or you can suck both together, and if you’ve got a long tongue, you can then stick it out and lick around what is commonly known as the “taint,” and is officially known as the “perineum.” I know I like mine licked, so I assume my man does too, though I am myself hampered by a rather short tongue. Sadly.

It can be quite novel to start the blowjob from the testes and work up; especially if you’ve been with your lover a while, this change is a simple way to shake things up a tiny bit. You can also, once you’re made the porn-starry spit and started your hand going, drop your head between your man’s parted thighs and take his testes in your mouth, running your tongue around interestingly and sucking gently, while you let your hand do what it does.

Lick It Where the Sun Don’t Shine: I admit being of the easily squicked type who requires my recipient shower before I’ll apply my tongue to his or her ass. However, that said, get your man into the shower, have him wash well, or merely capture him all Irish Spring-fresh, force him face down and ass up on your surface of choice. Often, the ass is a lovely place to begin a blow job. You can start by gently biting the cheeks of the ass (which is oddly surprisingly pleasurable for me in its own right. I like to bite) and running your teeth over the spit-wet skin. Then slowly center in on the asshole. I know I don’t like mine being pounced on, at least not very often, because it makes me giggle and the mood is lost, unless that’s the mood we want.

Therefore, because the ass is so sensitive, I find it works best to move in slowly, to run my tongue around and across gently, or to work slowly up the perineum to the asshole, so that no one is startled with an asscheek in her eye. Namely so I’m not. Another way to move into it gently is to talk your man through it. Announce to him what you’re going to do in a steady voice—it’s hott in a disembodied way, like having sex with Hal, the computer in 2001. Or you can wet your finger, place it directly on his asshole and hold it there, removing it after a few seconds to lick. Once there, you can spit in your palm, wrap your hand under him, and stroke his cock while you’re nuzzling his ass. You can also begin with the ass lick, and flip around to take his cock in your mouth, which in addition to stimulating him in all kinds of lovely ways also switches in one move your being dominant and in control to your being in position for him to fuck your face.

You know, if you’re into that sort of thing. I am.

In this short format, I can’t possibly give an all-embracing list of directions for an act as delicate and raw as ass eating—or anilingus, if you like the proper nouns—so consider this note a gentle nudge to put your face where it might not have ever gone before.

This short how-to is by no means a comprehensive bag of blowjob tricks, but I hope you can find a treat or two for your favorite flesh lolly. I regret that in writing today, I haven’t really kept in the whole letter of this Halloween day. If it makes you feel better, you can imagine me wearing a pirate wench outfit while I’m writing this.

Which is, of course, what I usually write in. When I’m not wearing my naughty nurse latex dress, my French maid black dress and white apron, my handy-girl toolbelt and short-shorts, or my  Chewbacca suit, minus the gloves.

You know, because I like to use my hands.

Comments

[Anne Elizabeth]

Oh Chelsea,
Thank you ! I can't wait to use those deliciously detailed instructions on my cop ! Now let me go say prune... while I make eye contact.... Oh, I quite think he will like that !

Sincerely,
Anne Elizabeth

[ben]

Is it considered good netiquette to print this out and leave it where my wife might see it (perhaps tape it to the bathroom mirror, or fold it up and hide it in her cell phone)?

Not that she doesn't give great head, no, just that - well, it's just fantastic what you've written and I think it should be shared. And as the saying goes (is it on Jay Jay the Jet Plane?) - "you just might learn something."

Thanks, girl!

[Viviane]

I had someone say to me that for him, eye contact was 60% of a blowjob.

[The Fury]

I, of course, am imagining you in the latex nurse outfit while you write this. Damn that was a sexy post, now I need to figure out how to get it to someone I know needs it without offending them....the

[Gloria]

That boy needs to get back from abroad *now.*

[Stan]

Hmm. 'Oscitant'. Whenever I'm reading your page and I have to reach for my dictionary, it makes me tumescent. Over-education is hott.

[Anne Elizabeth]

Happy Happy Halloween today, Chelsea !

Sincerely,
Anne Elizabeth

[Karl Elvis]

Why do girls so often ignore a man's OTHER sensitive places? You want to own my soul, suck on my balls - and i don't mean kiss gently, I mean suck, HARD, like you want to swallow them - and tongue my ass.

I'm yours. Follow you anywhere.

Well, I'm *yours* already, CG, but I'm just sayin...

[ArtfulDodger]

Happy Halloween CG!! Hope you are having the time of your life and I hope the ladies are reading this, nice primer on doing things right. :)

Love ya

[Semi-Celibate Man]

Great list. Wit and instruction all in one! Your description of the role of spit in the blowjob reminded me of several scenes by porn starlet Inari Vachs - who I believe won "blowjob of the year" kudos at AVN one year, and who I met one delightful night in a strip club. Here's to the spit covered blowjob!

[Satan]

I am so not bored right now.

[Al Sensu]

Thank you for your devotion to this practice. There can never be too much ball licking IMO.

[Ryder]

Sometimes a post can just make you squirm in your chair. This is one of those posts. Eyes, oh yes, the eyes..
And the fingers, and the the hands.. and.. and.. oh hell.

[woodinhand]

Goodness, talk about sitting with Wood!

Damn! A chich who has it all figured out. I have only been lucky enough to get those that had bites and peices figure out, not the whole picture like here.

Sing your paeans to me any day dear *wink*

[Gloria]

Ah, gentlemen ... if your girls don't have it figured out, why not ... tell them?

Seems simple to me.

[1TrackMind]

Reading your description caused a bit of delirium in moi. Especially the part about hands. Needless to say, they're an integral part of a good blowjob.

[White Dade]

First of all, this post made me want to cry. In a "God, I remmeber what that was like" kind of way Like a savings and loan guy now collecting unemployment may fodly recall dining at a fine restaurant.

Secondly: Why is there no guide on the other way aorund, I ask. your organs are far more complicated.

[JeN]

"Placing the cock as far back in your throat as it can just uncomfortably go will help you gag, and gagging will produce that lovely, highly viscous porn-starry spit that makes an incredible lube."

Honesty is sometimes kinda gross. And yet, I think I enjoyed this sentence most of all simply because of the truth it contains.

[Alana]

CG, you cock sucking posts are awesome. I found the part about eating ass especially insightful. :-)

[Sarah]

Hilarious! You're a great writer.