son of letters they've written

Another in a series of Letters They’ve Written, actual letters written by actual readers, just like you, and just because sharing is caring.

Subject line: Hello XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi My name is  Mik

im italien iv seen your blog  made me curios
are u up  4 a coffee or do u like Italien Canneloni ???

Im Italien  by the way !!

Cheers bella ragazza  :-))))))

Subject line: Hell

whats up u do shows or something?

Subject line: like u

i would like to be ur pal .i love u very much that when  i saw u i fill like just to mustabut myself.send me ur phone number so that we can get it touch pls.

Subject line: [none]

Dya like a guy to come over your tits

Subject line: [none]

Basically I read all this shit about how hot you think you are. from your picture you look to me like just another white chick finally got her fat ass free by her first climax in her 30's. BFD. i suggest you get your ass back to the gym if you wanna score some real love. but remember, ya gots to love yourself first and that you obviously have not yet learned to do!

Subject line: Hey

where you from you look fuckable

Subject line: Hey

hey i think you might be the girl i was trying to get ahold of. if i'm right theres a story you posted about yourself. i was wondering if that was you?

Subject line: I really wanna fuck you

hi sexy
2 words for you
too hot! to handle!

damn i feel like fucking you everytime i open your blog. anyway im really good at roleplaying making up sex stories with you =P. so what is ur fantasy dear?

My fantasy, you ask? A world with good grammar and spelling. Good grammar is hott. Let's you be E.B. White and I'll be William Strunk. Or you be Diana Hacker and I'll be Lynne Truss. Or I'll be Karen Elizabeth Gordon and you be William Safire.

Yeah, that would be hott. You just bring your little old dangling participle over here, baby; I'll show you where to put it.

Comments

[John_RF(SWE)]

"Let's you be E.B. White and I'll be William Strunk."
That's defeinitely a turn on in a gender-confused kind of way.

By the by, nice blog.

[Tony Comstock]

I never get this sort of fan mail, or this sort fan female either. (The women that write me all seem to have impeccable grammer.)

[Suse]

OK, I just could not stop laughing. The participle comment is what did me in. That was worth a laugh and a half to say the least.

[Orv]

Well, ok, but some of us write you nice grammatically correct offensive letters (albeit from time to time with lousy orthography). You are distorting the picture of your offensive emailers, tsk tsk.

Orval

[KtotheE]

You simply have the best fans. I don't get love like that.

[alwaysarousedgirl]

This is my favorite type:

"Your hot. Lets fuck."

Ummmm ok sure. I love to fuck with strangers who don't know the difference between "you're" and "your."

Gets me wet every time.

[Danielle]

CG, you've picked up some real characters. The "oldies" that have been with you a while still love you.

I also heard this lyric I knew you'd love. It's by eminem, I wish I could remember the name of the song. It goes: I get more ass than a toliet seat. LOVE IT!

I've posted some doozies in terms of grammer here as well. But I was drunk or just too lazy to spell check. I do know you still love me though.

[VJ]

Yes, me too. 'Me love you long time!' But then you had to go and mention ex Nixon era bagman and apologist William Safire. And you know, I just felt a little bit dirty just thinking of his decaying, decrepit, & throughly corrupt carcass. A buzzkill for certain, no matter how many dictionaries he takes to bed to savor.
Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

[Butch]

For chrissake. These guys are such a joke man. I apologise on behalf of the male sex.

[chelsea girl]

John, I'm all about confusion.

Tony, Yes, that's because I'm one of the females who writes you fan letters.

Suze, glad I could help. I'm thinking of writing a libidinous guide to grammar for perverts.

Orval, I included one grammatically challanged detractor. How many do I need to prove my point? Bad grammar is an equal-opportunity pitfall.

KtotheE, yes, yes I do. And yes, so do you.

AAG! Agreed. Your hott too.

Danielle, I still owe you a book. And you're the cake, baby.

VJ, if you knew Karen Elizabeth Gordon, you might feel better. The woman is clearly wicked and perverse. She could make William Safire do all kinds of unnatural acts and enjoy them.

Butch, thank you for the apology.

[Tom]

Chelsea Girl--

I wonder if you are familiar with the now regrettably deceased syndicated columnist Mike Royko? He wrote columns for many years for several Chicago papers, and would periodically write a column consisting entirely of selections from readers' letters interlaced with his wonderfully mordant and often scathing responses. He was not one to suffer fools gladly, and I am pleased to see that his sardonic spirit lives on in your blog!

[chelsea girl]

Tom, I grew up in Illinois and in houses that had many Royko columns pinned to the refrigerator door. Thanks for the comparison, man.

[Pietro]

Fuck Strunk. Do you think Wilson Follett was into B&D?

I'm sure he was.

[Shylah]

I love you a little more every time you post stuff like this. If I hadn't already proposed to Danielle, you'd be adding my e-mailed solicitation to your next collection. :D

[rupert]

LOL, "Good grammar is hott" - I guess at least they are able to have a crack at writing which might otherwise in the "letter writing days" never have even materialised.

The paradox here is that most of these people think about sex all the time, behave like it is owed to them, and think they are god's gift to desire but usually spend most their lives without sex, don't exactly know how to have sex, and develop what I call a "a horny twitch" which makes them say disjointed phrases and have nonsensical thoughts.

Rups

[Itkovian]

Haha. Yeah! Keep going.

[scribe called steff]

Tee hee hee!

But I wonder where all my lewd emails are? I only get polite ones. Weird. Sometimes the grammar's bad, though, sigh.

Still fucking funny. :)

[cibbuano]

Ludicrous emails are my favourite non-hobby!

What happened to punctuation? When did 'I'm' degenerate into 'im'? It's like a Cockney guy saying 'him'.

[Dielo]

Perhaps the title of the blog attracts/encourages them?

Haha,
"2 words for you
too hot! to handle!"

To quote Robert De Niro: "Here come two words for you - shut the fuck up!"

[Chas S. Clifton]

But I thought Diane Hacker was my secret fantasy! Well, there's always Martha Kolln.

[Damian]

You know, you're too kind to those morons. You should publish their contact details with thier comments. If they're brave enough to dish the shit, they've got to be brave enough to stand by the fan when the shit hits it.

Or perhaps you should go on a date with one of them and review the curios [sic] state of his, um, Italien [sic] Canneloni.

And the whole time you can console yourself that being different means that you are the one they are reading while they sit at home with their hands down their shiny nylon, elastic waisted pants; rather than being one of them.

[scott]

karen elizabeth gordon gets me so hard...excuse me while i go strunk myself off...

[ThaneThanatos]

Heh... Why not make this into a PSA for Literacy? Show some poorly written letters with game show buzzing noises, then well written letters with some female moaning... Sex sells, so why not have sex sell literacy?

[Me, Just me]

Since we're on spelling and grammar, why do you spell hott in this manner? It reminds me of Paris Hilton's horrific voice uttering her ludicrous catchphrase. Typing that invokes the unholy name of Paris Hilton is nott hott norr iss itt sexxie, grrl (see how annoying that is?)

That said, everything else about your writing and curvy bod is hot. I dig it.

[chelsea girl]

Dear MJM,

I spell "hot" "hott" because I think it's funny and ironic. I happen to love the skankyhott of younger Mis Hilton. Be annoyed or be entertained; I choose the latter.

I am, however, flattered you like the curves and the words.

kissykiss,
chelsea girl