daddydearest

“When you answer me, you will call me ‘Daddy’,” Donny said in my ear.

Oh, Ick, I thought, and then a thrill pulsed up from my cunt. Huh, I thought.

I’ve never been a fan of age play. It has never been something I’ve sought out, lingered over, rolled in my mind while my right middle finger rubbed concentric circles on my clit. I have never enjoyed infantalization; in fact, I’ve resented women who did choose to be those pig-tailed, ruffled-panty, thumb-sucking daddytoys, as much, indeed, as I’ve resented the men who want those gamine-game girls.

Being a sexual woman, to me, has always meant being a woman. I looked up to Raquel Welch as a little girl; I wanted to grow up all tawny sinuous curves and soaring bones. I thought the film noir heroines had something worthy in their scotch-blurred voices and scalpel-precise red lipstick. I have never seen the erotic power in the inchoate skinny girlforms of teenagers. I like women to have lines, scars, imperfections and gravitas.

So the little girl role has never appealed to me fantasy-wise. It’s also something that didn’t emotionally resonate for me. I’ve had a vexed relationship with paternal figures. My birthfather left my life when I was less than a year old; I’ve never heard from him since. My stepfather was an inconsistent presence. The Daddy remains a mythical beast to me, but not a fantasy figure, or at least not a sexual one, or at least if a fantasy, then one I didn’t want to admit to myself.

Donny, the Daddy du jour, did punish me on Saturday. He flogged my ass, my thighs, my breasts, my pussy (though the last he did lightly—he treats my tender bits with care). He spanked me with his hand and with a hairbrush. He left big fat searing welts on my butt, and for the next 24 hours or so, I felt the lingering itchyburn of his ministrations.

He spanked me for not waxing. He spanked me for refusing him other requests. He spanked me for telling him I didn’t want anal sex. He spanked me for lying to him about when I had first sucked a previous boyfriend’s dick. He spanked me, in short, for whatever infractions he could think of, but mostly he spanked me because he likes doing it and because I like having it done.

And throughout it all, throughout his many questions I had to call him “Daddy.” No, Daddy; yes, Daddy; I don’t know, Daddy. He spanked me too if I didn’t call him “Daddy,” which makes it kind of win/win for Donny. He is a smart man, my Donny.

“Daddy” isn’t easy for me to say, not out of bed and not in. And yet I have to be honest and admit that in the past six months or so the Daddy has become an increasingly important figure in my erotic musings. My Nobodaddy fantasies alone attest to this strange erotic paternal presence. I would guess the grudging acceptance of a father figure in my life— however disturbingly erotic—suggests some kind of coming to terms with my fatherless childhood.

Or not.

Wagnerian operas are shorter than some of Donny’s and my sex sessions. An hour is a quickie for us. And this Saturday, we went on and on and on, like Celine Dion’s heart, like an epic poem, like rhyming couplets. I was tied up, untied, retied, and tied down. My mouth was opened and the ball gag inserted and removed and inserted and removed again and again.

Toys were used and tossed aside. Orgasms grew near, and then the golden apple in my grasp was denied me. The blindfold was on, then off and then on. It all shifts and blurs in memory, and in the cinematic unfolding of our copious copulations, I forget what happened when and where and how.

We forgot too, by the chaotic crescendo banshee-screaming end, that I was supposed to call the Donny “Daddy.”

Which, quite frankly, is fine with me. Some things it just takes me longer to wrap my mind around. “Daddy” is one of them.

Comments

[S.C.]

Just as long as he never asks you to call him Bullwinkle.

[Maggie]

Yeah, I get your hesitation on that one. Glad you had a great time, though. Maybe I'll have to give the "daddy" twist a go next time with mine....

--maggie

[scribe called steff]

Bullwinkle... snicker.

That wouldn't be something I'm into yet, or maybe just not ready to be into. Either way, great post. Insightful, sexy, provocative. Well done.

[Goose]

oooh. Such a nice nasty post. I too have age play issues. Seems to dark for me at this time, but that sounded really hot.

[Gaelin]

chelsea girl,
I found your thoughts on this most interesting, speaking as a man whose wife does call him Daddy. For her, too, it was a difficult journey, coming from a home where that word hurt; just my opinion but that's why I treasured it so when I was able to change its meaning for her and give her a new association that felt good.
Best,
Gaelin

[Gaelin]

Thinking more about what you wrote, I wanted to add that it is my experience that the most independant and fiesty of women can certainly want a Daddy as well. A complicated duality indeed! Thank you for getting me thinking.
~G

[roper]

I fully sympathise with your reservations about calling anyone Daddy. I don't ask my sub to call me that; it's too near the edge. But we have dipped a toe in the water of age-play, finding a halfway house where I can be an older man and she can be my little girl. She finds she's able to call me Uncle - though I'm not yet sure if I'm supposed to be actually related to her or not!

[figleaf]

While I get totally squicked about underage role-playing (I just think diapers and go eww) and while I too prefer lines, scars, imperfections, and gravitas, there's also the ultimate technicolor noir Fay Dunnaway / John Hughes daddy/daughter relationship in Polanski's Chinatown.

Still not, I admit, a terribly appealing set of roles to play. But I don't see anything in the rules that says it's the *sub* who has to change ages. And as long as nobody says "get in the car" or "she's my sister *and* my daughter" I could probably learn to live with it.

Take care,

figleaf

[Introspectre]

Ah, yes. The first time Jack and I tried the "D" word I couldn't decide if I wanted to fuck or vomit. It was the same: brain says, "GROSS!" and cunt says, "Hello, what's this?" (in a British accent, of course)

Actual incest disgusts me. Stories about it disgust me. Roleplay about it is that fine gray area where I can get jiggy with it, simply because he and I have both agreed that it is a "metaphorical Daddy". No incest roleplay for either of us.

So, using the name "Daddy" just takes on another aspect of his domination over me, because I can't get the word out any louder than a murmur. He knows it makes me squirm, but it's ok because we have that line drawn.

In reality, Jack is more my father than any other man has ever been, so it's kind of a weird turn on that way, as well. If I ever referrred to my own father as "Daddy" I certainly don't remember it. And my step dad and I only recently became friends, so there's no attachment there, either.

Thanks for being brave and writing about the icky-yummy feelings.

[Dielo]

No, I don't think being called Daddy would do anything for me, especially. Just because it would tip things over [too far] into absurdity more than anything else.

I thought the film noir heroines had something worthy in their scotch-blurred voices and scalpel-precise red lipstick.

Hm, I find the noir dames incredibly alluring and sexual but not actually sexy. I mean, I can't imagine having sex with them, though perhaps it's just that I find it hard to fantasise in black and white, I don't know.
A 50 foot high Raquel Welch I find hard to deal with as well - It doesn't bare thinking about, really!

Or does it?

[irelands_girl]

Personally, as contradictory as it seems, saying "Daddy" doesn't have an incestual connotation for me. As Introspectre said, I feel sick at the thought of real incest; but somehow Daddy as a Dom is a different thing in my head. I don't think of my father when I say Daddy. It just fits in my relationship because my husband takes care of me, makes rules for me, and disciplines me. Although we also have a healthy sex life, the use of the word Daddy just works for me. Thanks for talking about this, chesea.

[chelsea girl]

Bullwinkle...Hey! Rockie! Wanna see me pull a rabbit out of my hat?

Thanks you all for being so supportive in my profoundly ambivalent musings.

It is all made just a bit weirder, of course, by the fact that Donny my love is ten years younger than I.

kissykiss,
cg

[Summerbreeze]

FNG here. Been reading for 9 1/2 hrs. I admit I snap-judged you. Normally I'm pretty proud of them, but this time I'm sorry. You are amazing. I take back what I said about threesomes etc. and I'm sorry. I'm sticking to my guns on GBOI disease though.

Homemade truffles - A New Fan

[Jeanne]

Well...I don't call my Dom Daddy, but I get that the role playing can be fun and sometimes kind of weird. He does call me his little girl. Since I have real life Daddy issues...I've never been anyone's little girl. It feels good in a twisted sort of way. Just enjoy it...try not to over think it too much.

[KtotheE]

I admit it - one of the best, quickest ways for a woman to get me mad with lust is to call me 'daddy'. It pushes some button in my head; even more than 'sir' or 'master'. Whisper 'fuck me, daddy' in my ear and I'll lose it.

I don't have any idea why.

It's not even really about age play or incest fantasies, not specifically. Sure, there's that sround the edges, but it's more than that. I can be with a grown woman who says it in a grown woman voice without any girlishness about her, and it still yanks my chain.

Kisses, CG. Missed you...

[Dad]

i think incest play is kinky. if my wife called me "Daddy" o would definately be imagining her to be my daughter "princess"