I stole this idea from Virgin Slut, one of my two favorite Virgins and one of my 38 favorite sluts. In her story, V.S. cleverly wove the search terms leading people to her blog into a delightful and instructional tale. I hope only to entertain with mine. Everything in purple italics led someone--maybe you--to me and my pretty dumb things.
This is a story of Fanny the Monkey Face Girl; it’s a suck pussy narrative, but not a story about dumb places to stick your cock and balls.
One sweet doglove afternoon, Fanny, the monkey face girl, a girl with beautiful kissing lips, went to the store to buy some Sheena sperm cleaner. On the way to the store, Fanny’s mind started wandering and she began thinking all kinds of things.
‘Do girls like boys to talk dirty sex things to them?’ Fanny thought to herself. She knew she did, but then she also knew her mother was a member of the famed all-female trapeze troupe, The Flying Buttresses, and that this smut circus butt-training she’d had as little girl wasn’t necessarily normal.
Fanny decided to stop by her friend Bridget Sapphic’s house to see if indeed girls did like boys to talk dirty sex things to them, and also to see if woman’s butt firmness affected their sex drive.
‘If anyone will know, Bridget will,’ Fanny said to herself and went to knock on Bridget’s door.
Bridget took a very long time answering. When she finally did, she was wearing saran wrap as a sari and she looked very flustered.
Bridget told Fanny that she had found lumps within skin around genitals and inner thigh, and decided she would plunge her snatch with toilet plunger to see if that would help.
“Gosh,” said Fanny, “I can’t imagine it would.”
Bridget replied, “I couldn’t either, but my new boyfriend, Linguistic Staxx, he bent me over and wanted to see a girl putting things in their pussies. I told him I only had one pussy, but he insisted.”
Fanny knew that Bridget was nice, but she was a little strange. She had a shiny zebra stripe men fetish, for one thing.
“Yeah,” said Bridget, “at least it’s better than the time that he gave me an enema to insert marshmallows.”
“Or the time when he made sure your rectum sang Ella Fitzgerald lyrics,” Fanny offered, trying to be helpful.
“Well, Linguistic is kind of in a bad mood these, days; he bought a dildo and his blog lost its erection.” Bridget shook her head sadly. “Now he just spends all day looking for Flea with his ubiquitous figleaf, either that or he’s writing his BDSM pain for cash memoirs.”
There was a pause in the conversation while Fanny looked sadly at her despondent friend with her fat sagging watermelon tits and her pretty skinny pussy, both visible through the Saran Wrap.
But then Fanny remembered why she had stopped by Bridget’s house in the first place, so she asked her whether other girls liked being told dirty sex things by boys.
“Suck on my clit, girl!” Bridget exclaimed. “So many girls have been duped into blowjobs by dirty patter, probably by that more than anything else….Well, anything but doing the limbo up a dress.”
Just then a loud noise rumbled through the air. “Oh,” explained Bridget, “That’s just the giantess farting houses next door. She wraps her vagina in spandex. Her husband puts his cock in spandex too. They’re nice, but that giantess, she is like a Star Wars character, that is if Boba Fett wears polka dot underwear.”
The two women giggled like schoolgirls in short skirts with no panties.
But then Fanny knew it was time to finish her journey, and she said good-bye to her friend Bridget and said, “Thank you, Bridget, for helping me learn to be a girl.”
“Aw, I'm glad I could help. Just remember, Monkey lover, sound clips are hott. You bring that pierced pasha charmed clit here any time. And remember, you need to wear a buttplug if you want to be a girl.” Bridget winked and waved to Fanny, who finally bought that sperm cleaner, met a sexy man with a hot dog on the checkout line who told her filthy dumb slut things about fruit and cock all day long and lived happily ever after.